My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
