You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
