what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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