he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I want a musical about memes.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
