At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
The Olympian is in my bed
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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