the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
