Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
