you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
