I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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