so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize