saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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