i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
