You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
her facebook's as public as her vagina
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
