yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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