My hair reeks of homosexuality.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
