dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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