dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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