why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
