from now on my penis is your penis
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
