so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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