he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just googled if crying burns calories
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
