just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
