Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
