Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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