girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
