end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
