My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
