the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize