and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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