True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize