I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
