Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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