this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize