if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize