C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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