yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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