he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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