I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
