My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
