I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
