Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
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