Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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