so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize