You really coming over, don't trick.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
