I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
