whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
