I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
