i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
