can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
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