Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
