It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
