piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
She said her name was "party"
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
