i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
