put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I said "one day" and that day is not today
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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