I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
