Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
