He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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