I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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