how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
