And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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