Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
