Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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