you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
