my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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