She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
