If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
