i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize