You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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