Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
