Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
