Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize