Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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