Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
