I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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