Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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