dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
