I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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