you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize