my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
