A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
