cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You dont lie about slip and slides
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
