It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize