i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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