talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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