I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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