I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Life is so much better after having sex.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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