that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
