Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
