I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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