so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
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