Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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