Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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