you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I am naked and annoyed.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
