I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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