the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
