i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
