the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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