Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
