my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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